I've tried to blog about deployment, but I can never find the right words to express myself and our experience. Saying goodbye to Justin while eight and a half months pregnant was harder than I ever imagined. I think my friend Nicoy was worried she'd have to pry me off of Justin's ankles... dragging me as I bear hugged them as they exited the terminal. In reality we had a three way hug with Mika and walked away. A few extra head turns to watch him leave. That moment still makes my stomach hurt. Since I was carrying Mika, I held back from a dramatic exit. She already witnessed me crying the whole time he packed.
The drive home for me from the terminal was almost a relief that the goodbye was over and we were now counting down til JULY. (we hoped for May, but we kinda always knew it would be July) July seemed like a lifetime away. So many holidays had to happen before we would see Justin... oh and a baby. As we drove through the ko'olau mountains home, Mika quietly repeated, out loud, all the things that are more fun with Daddy. The whole drive home.
One hard aspect of deployment is that life simply goes on. You are almost in a grieving state of mind and everyone is going about their days, weeks, months, holidays as if nothing was different. The holidays still happen, birthdays still happen, babies are born, people pass away, everything continues. The chaplain at the christmas tree lighting ceremony on base asked a little girl what she wanted for christmas and she said "my daddy." I'm pretty sure there wasn't a dry eye there after that.
Living far away from family and friends is hard when you need support. Hawaii is actually the most isolated set of islands in the world. Your support group and family then becomes the "military family." My neighbor took my trash out the day after Justin left and I started to cry. Her husband came over on thanksgiving to kill a giant hawaiian centipede. (don't google it, or you'll have nightmares.) Many amazing people stepped up to help us when Bodhi was born. Our military family proved to be a blessing we will never forget.
However, one of the hardest parts is watching your friends all go through the same thing with you. Watching the kids regress. Wondering if each tantrum or behavior issue is their age? or a side effect of this lifestyle and deployment. Wanting to make it better for so many people but not being able to. This deployment was way easier for me with Mika. She just cried a little more often and got a little annoyingly bossy with her games- any grandparents can attest to her my little pony and princess games. Intense. haha! But seriously, I couldn't be more proud of her. She handled becoming a big sister like a champ. She's enjoying it and so attentive and sweet to him. She handled deployment really well overall. I think she might have gotten some of Justin's chill Fisher genes.
Another aspect that makes things hard is those same amazing friends- military family- you might be lucky enough to make during your short time somewhere... might move during deployment. two words for you: soul crushing. Last deployment my neighbor moved (serious heartbreak) and she reminded me that if it weren't for the Navy we never would have met. I try to remind myself of this. But when one of your best friends, the kind that just knows how to brighten your day... moves weeks after your baby is born and husband is deployed... soul crushing, I tell you. This time we had many move away.
And that leads me to this next month. Saying good bye. Good bye to this life that Mika knows and loves. Goodbye to the friends that helped me when I desperately needed it most. Everything is so bittersweet. Hawaii is the longest we've lived anywhere as a married couple. This tour has been long work hours for Justin. Long deployments. We've hated it more than we've loved it. Yet, leaving still breaks my heart.
So, as this deployment comes to an end. And we take a deep breath of relief that Justin is safely home. We will be more thankful for the moments together, and try to remember the clarity that deployment brought us. What really matters is being together. We've learned many life lessons in this tour. We can't control as much as we think we can. Our time is limited, enjoy the simple things. And the biggest one. Life simply isn't fair. I know I was taught this in childhood but man was it taught to us again this past year!
Thank you everyone that reached out to us, helped us, visited us, sent us letters, packages, texts, videos, calls and encouraging words. This was the biggest challenge of my life yet, and it's. almost. over!
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